Imagine you’re holding a glass of water. At first, it feels light and manageable. But as time passes, your arm begins to ache. The longer you hold it, the heavier it becomes. This metaphor, beautifully illustrated in Karen Lorre’s video, is a powerful reminder that holding onto negative thoughts or frustrations can wear us down in much the same way. But what if we could choose to put the glass down? What if we could change how we see others and ourselves by choosing to focus on gratitude instead?
Gratitude is more than a feel-good buzzword; it’s a mindset that can change how we interact with others, handle stress, and approach daily life. It’s a way of seeing the world that shifts our focus from problems and imperfections to strengths and perspective. Whether you’re a parent, educator, or leader in your workplace, adopting a mindset of gratitude can help you see beyond mistakes, frustrations, or conflicts—and allow you to appreciate others more deeply, creating the foundation for a healthier environment.
The Gratitude Shift: From Criticism to Appreciation
Every relationship—whether it’s with a student, a coworker, or a family member—has its ups and downs. We can get caught up in small frustrations: a student’s persistent lack of focus, a coworker’s missed deadlines, or a family member’s forgetfulness. When we view these behaviors through a lens of irritation or disappointment, we risk holding onto those feelings and creating barriers in our relationships. But what if, instead, we chose to focus on the positive aspects of these individuals?
Research shows that practicing gratitude can reduce feelings of anxiety and depression, while increasing feelings of happiness and satisfaction. And the beauty of it is that you don’t have to wait for someone else to change for you to start feeling better. When we shift our mindset to appreciate others’ strengths and express gratitude for their efforts—even if they fall short at times—we begin to change the dynamic of our relationships.
Think about it: when we’re grateful, we can’t simultaneously feel resentment or frustration. Gratitude, in a way, cancels out those negative emotions and gives us the space to see people clearly—flaws and all—and value them for who they are. It becomes easier to have compassion and patience, whether it’s for a child who struggles in class or a colleague who is still learning.
The Science of Gratitude and Wellness
Gratitude has been linked to better sleep, reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression, and even improved physical health, such as lower blood pressure. This is because when we practice gratitude, our brains release dopamine and serotonin—the “feel-good” neurotransmitters that enhance our mood and make us feel more positive. Regularly practicing gratitude has been shown to improve sleep quality by 25% (Wood et al., 2009). Moreover, a meta-analysis found that individuals who frequently express gratitude have a 23% lower level of cortisol, the hormone associated with stress, leading to enhanced resilience and emotional well-being (Krause et al., 2017).
In the classroom, this can translate to educators feeling more connected and empathetic toward students, reducing burnout and improving job satisfaction. For students, it means feeling more supported and valued, which can enhance their academic performance and social confidence. At home, practicing gratitude can strengthen family connections, increase emotional resilience, and reduce stress levels.
In the workplace, leaders who express gratitude set a tone for openness and appreciation. A study conducted by the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania found that employees who felt appreciated by their managers were 50% more productive. Leaders have an inherent ability to set the tone for their teams. If a leader practices gratitude consistently, it sets the tone for the company for what is expected.
Applying Gratitude: Putting Down the Glass
Applying gratitude starts with the decision to metaphorically “put down the glass.” Instead of dwelling on minor annoyances, we can choose to see the positive intentions that are underlying the potential failure or frustration. This doesn’t mean ignoring issues or letting go of accountability; it means approaching situations with understanding and a genuine intention to see the person behind the behavior.
Here’s how you can put gratitude into practice:
- Find the Hidden Gem: When a student or child does something frustrating, try to see the underlying effort or intention. If a child talks out of turn in class, consider that they’re enthusiastic and engaged, rather than disrespectful or inattentive. By framing it positively, you’re more likely to respond in a way that encourages their strengths.
- Shift the Focus in Conversations: At work or home, make it a point to acknowledge the efforts of others. Instead of leading with critique, start by expressing appreciation for what they’re doing right. This sets a positive tone and helps the other person feel valued and respected.
- Create a Culture of Appreciation: In the workplace or classroom, set aside time for “gratitude shout-outs,” where people can recognize the contributions of others. Whether it’s during a team meeting or a family dinner, this practice can build a more cohesive and supportive environment. One really power element of this is to recognize the effort and intention even when things go poorly or not as planned. People will see that you value effort and intention – process over product – and trust and value them regardless of outcomes. It is powerful because it allows people to be more open and honest rather than simply trying to sugarcoat a situation. And they truly feel feen and recognized for their efforts.
Transforming Relationships: A Personal Story
A few years ago, I worked with a teacher who was struggling to connect with a particularly challenging student. The child was often disruptive and uncooperative, and the teacher felt defeated, believing that no progress could be made. After a particularly tough day, I suggested that she write down three things each week that she appreciated about the student, no matter how small.
Reluctantly, she tried it. Slowly, she began to notice small things: his creativity when answering questions, his ability to engage others in group work, his sharp sense of humor. Over time, her perspective shifted from seeing a “problem student” to seeing a young person with potential. Her approach to him changed, and gradually, so did his behavior. By letting go of her frustrations and choosing to see the student through a lens of gratitude, she was able to put down her “glass” and rebuild the connection.
Gratitude and Open Communication
Of course, gratitude alone isn’t always enough. It’s important to communicate openly and address issues when needed, but gratitude provides a foundation of goodwill that makes these conversations easier and more productive. When we express appreciation and see others’ efforts, we’re more likely to approach difficult topics with empathy and a solution-focused mindset.
Let’s be honest – I have never met anyone who intentionally wants to frustrate others, miss deadlines, or forget key deliverables. People genuinely are trying, so when we meet conversations with a desire to move forward, to find the effort behind the delay, or with grace because life is busy, people will respond in kind.
Acknowledging Challenges and Focusing on Growth
While gratitude offers numerous wellness benefits, it’s important to understand that practicing gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring or suppressing feelings of frustration, anger, or disappointment. Instead, gratitude provides a way to approach these emotions from a place of acceptance and mindfulness. This nuanced approach allows us to recognize and address issues in a healthy manner while maintaining a positive outlook.
Suppressing negative emotions isn’t healthy or sustainable. Research has shown that unexpressed emotions, especially anger and frustration, can lead to increased levels of stress and even physical health problems, such as high blood pressure and digestive issues (Kross et al., 2011). Therefore, it’s essential to acknowledge these emotions when they arise, instead of pushing them aside under the guise of gratitude. Emotions are signals—they let us know when something needs our attention.
Practicing gratitude doesn’t mean pretending that flaws or mistakes don’t exist. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Gratitude helps us shift our focus from dwelling on problems to finding ways to appreciate the good in a situation or a person despite the imperfections. For example, you might feel frustrated with a colleague who frequently misses deadlines. While it’s important to address this behavior through open and honest communication, practicing gratitude means you can also acknowledge their strengths and contributions as well, rather than just the flaws.
Gratitude, in this context, becomes a tool for reframing how we view others. We can acknowledge the negative behaviors or challenges we face, but we choose to prioritize our appreciation for the positive traits and efforts that are often overshadowed by our frustrations.
By using gratitude as a tool to enhance communication, we can engage in healthier discussions and address frustrations more effectively. A study by Algoe and Haidt (2009) found that expressing gratitude can strengthen interpersonal relationships by fostering trust and respect, which are crucial when navigating challenging conversations. When we approach issues with gratitude, we create a more constructive environment where both parties feel valued and understood, making it easier to move past the problem and find a solution together.
Intentional Gratitude Strengthens Relationships at Home
Gratitude isn’t just a concept my wife and I discuss in theory—it’s something we intentionally integrate into our everyday lives. We believe that small acts of appreciation can have a big impact, especially when it comes to fostering a positive environment and strengthening our relationship. One way we do this is by making a conscious effort to notice the little things the other person does throughout the day and then expressing our gratitude for those efforts, no matter how minor they may seem.
For example, I’ll intentionally take a moment to notice when my wife makes a fresh pot of coffee in the morning or gives me my preferred chair when we sit together by the fireplace. Rather than letting these moments pass by unacknowledged, I’ll say a simple “thank you” to show that I see and appreciate her thoughtful gestures. The same goes for her—she’ll thank me for giving her some free time while I take the kids to play or for remembering a small detail she mentioned earlier in the week.
This habit of noticing and acknowledging these small acts of kindness helps both of us feel more appreciated and valued. It’s not just about saying “thank you” but about truly seeing the other person’s efforts. This practice has made our home environment feel more supportive and has created a positive feedback loop of appreciation. Research supports the importance of these small expressions of gratitude in relationships, showing that couples who regularly express gratitude to each other experience increased relationship satisfaction, trust, and a greater sense of connectedness (Gordon et al., 2012).
Expressing gratitude for these small acts also provides a buffer against the natural challenges and frustrations that arise in any relationship. It’s easier to handle a moment of miscommunication or a stressful day when you know that your partner sees and values the everyday ways you contribute. This shared practice of gratitude reminds us to focus on the positives and gives us a healthier perspective when navigating the inevitable ups and downs of life.
Conclusion: Gratitude as a shift towards Wellness
Whether at home, in school, or in the workplace, gratitude is a powerful tool that can transform our relationships and our own well-being. It shifts our focus from what’s missing or frustrating to what’s present and valuable. It allows us to see others in their strengths, efforts, and potential—creating an environment where everyone can thrive.
So, the next time you find yourself holding onto that metaphorical glass, take a moment to put it down. Choose gratitude and watch how your perspective—and your relationships—change.
References
Algoe, S. B., & Haidt, J. (2009). Witnessing excellence in action: The ‘other-praising’ emotions of elevation, gratitude, and admiration. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 4(2), 105-127.
Krause, N., Pargament, K. I., Hill, P. C., & Ironson, G. (2017). Assessing the relationship between religious involvement and health behaviors in older adults: Is the social dimension of religion important? Psychology of Religion and Spirituality, 9(2), 200-208.
Kross, E., Ayduk, O., & Mischel, W. (2011). When asking “why” does not hurt: Distinguishing rumination from reflective processing of negative emotions. Psychological Science, 22(6), 709-712.
National Institutes of Health. (2023). Emotional Wellness Toolkit. Retrieved from NIH Website.
Wood, A. M., Joseph, S., Lloyd, J., & Atkins, S. (2009). Gratitude influences sleep through the mechanism of pre-sleep cognitions. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 66(1), 43-48.
